leo-darkheart

I have moved forward this year, such as with my novel being edited, I’m entering my art in more local shows, and working on art for the novel. I even have an outline for the sequel. I even started trying to move forward with someone new. However, now that looks like it’s been all a waste of affection, time, and money. Worst of all, hope. Hope is something I have wasted more this year than anything else. Hope in someone I still love. That she’ll ever come back. Yet in spite of all that, I hope still. I know I deserve better. I do. But I still love her. Hoping she will come to her senses someday. Hoping she will stop fooling herself believing she loves the person she’s currently with. Hoping she will just wake up to so many other things. I have moved forward, but have been unable to move on yet 9 Months later. Maybe in a few months I will have 2020 vision? Hah. Take care Katie.

Language advisory:


Fuuuuuck. The Fuck? Fucking fuck. 13 weeks and I STILL fucking miss and am in love my ex, damn it all. The big problem? She's committed to making things work with the guy she was originally leaving for me. So she won't respond to my texts even if i were to message her. Their history is what sent her my way to begin with. She won't even acknowledge we were in LOVE! I have the photos taken of us both and her. When she'd look at me, Holyshit there's no way to deny the love she had for me. When she held me an I held her, looking into her pools of glowing sunlit honey brown eyes as she'd smile back to me. What kills me most? It's the fact she's fucking settling for much less than she's worthy of. I fucking hate this vehemently. I've been cheated on, nearly beaten by unstable girlfriends, and ghosted before but this? This hurts way worse than anything I've ever endured. Yeah, her leaving me hurts. But being without her? Hurts so damn much worse. Every fucking time I feel like i'm at least to the numb stage and acceptance, something will trigger and I will be inundated once again with feelings. 
Damn it Katie. Damn it.

Look who got his Diploma today in Studio Concentration for a BFA degree!

I know it's been a long while since my last Journal and my life has changed in a variety of ways and yet stayed the same all at once.
Here's the condensed version:
For starters I'm still in school unfortunately but fortunately because I'm still learning and still growing. Nearly finished too, the rest of this semester and then next semester for my Bachelor Thesis in Drawing. Would have likely been this semester but my dad who'd been fighting Lung Cancer for the last year or less lost his fight in September nearly two months ago come the 12th. So that's been difficult going through. 

Ended up dating a truly crazy person full with psychotic episodes of violence and the like... That wasn't fun at all. O_O
Pointer, if they are up and front lay it out on the table that they're unstable, run. Just run. That's been done and over with though, Thank God.
Also, within the last year I've acquired two cats, God help me. Hahah, but no they're not absolutely awful, they can be though. 

Hopefully all of my new work has been exploding the feeds of those that still watch me. Thank you for the favorites by the way.  As well as welcome to all my new watches. I f I get to 100K page views I'll consider doing something special  

Anyway, later for now.

Not because I don't appreciate it but mostly because I don't get on here every day and suck and getting back to people most of the time. As well as backlogs of people thanking me for faving their work... I've got like 1k + or more back log worth of comments on my page I'll probably never address. At least not all of them x.x but I hope the people know I appreciate their work being on here for one reason or another even if they never hear back from me. But me thanking people can happen more often though.

Be blessed y'all.